Les Sociétés Secrètes dans DAOC

This is a long but funny read posted back in January on Camelot Vault. Enjoy!

Often while playing DAoC, people will send you unusual Mistells, or act kinda Weird, or just be plain Strange.

This isn't simply because they are demented, under 14, or an Albion, but because they are playing a deeper level of Camelot... they are the member of a Camelot Cult.

Most of you know what I am talking about. (Our Secret Societies, Private Clubs, and ingame Religious Orders. Where we get all our free stuff and front of the line passes at MLs.)

For the rest of you, who don't know what I am talking about... well, maybe we just don't like you. Or maybe you smell funny. Or maybe you hang out with some losers.

( This is why you can never find a group, why alliance and guild chat always seems so dead, and why forts keep changing hands before you get there. )

But... maybe you can change your ways and join a Secret Society. A little hard work, some soap, and dumping that loser who is /stuck on you might open up some possibilities.

So, if that happens, here is a list of just a few of the Secret Cults currently operating in DAoC that might then invite you to their privileged ranks:

- - -

Primarily a Hibernian Society, members of CotEB have access to the 'Badger Expresso Tunnel Network', allowing them instantaneous and free travel to any part of the land. They also wear special Badger Loot Drops under their mage robes, which have 8 or 9 imbue stats. Members of CotEB can be spotted by frequent references to 'Badgers' (note the capitalization), 'Velcro', going repeatedly AFK to get 'Coffee', or their ability to suddenly be 3 or 4 zones away.

- - -

'Triad of our Holy Orange Teabag' (TooHOT)
An Albion Cult, (of course), TeaBaggers meet secretly once per week in the tunnels under Camelot, where they have hidden Class Trainers that give 2 for 1 spec points. One of their secret abilities (the mini-ding) was recently divulged to the general public by a disgruntled drunken cleric. (She was then kicked out and joined HiSS).

- - -

'Raiders of the Lost Rabbits' (RotLR)
During Beta, it was quickly discovered that Rabbits give the best experience. More than ten times faster than leveling on other monsters, a player can zoom from 1 to 50 in less than three days killing Rabbits. Members of RotLR viciously guard the Top Secret Rabbit Spawns in DAoC, chain-killing them and diverting players who wander near their locations. Methods of manipulation include: Sending invites to fake PL groups that then break up before the player arrives, begging the player repeatedly to come help in a BattleGround, and spamming people too close to the spawns with questions about crafting or how to spec a class. RotLR has been SO effective that most players claim there are NO Rabbits in DAoC. (Of course, we know better! *wink*)

- - -

'Celts of the Corn Dog' (CotCD)
An all-Celt society, members always chose the 'spikey' hair style, and stand stiffly in out of the way towns (like Tir na mBeo), occassionally breaking into spontaneous dancing. We don't know why... Very mysterious. Members have recently gained a lot of weight in their hips. Again, we don't know why... Also Very Mysterious. Avoid them.

- - -

'Dun Discordia' (DD)
Based in the 3rd Hibernian Entry Fort, Dun Discordia's members hide and guard the three Dexterity Relics. Members are primarily Nightshades and Rangers, and frequently start IGN forum threads like 'infils are overpowered' or 'rangers suck', to disguise their awesome dex bonuses, and the existence of the Dex Relics.

- - -

'Happiness is Swingline Staplers' (HiSS)
A Developer and TeamLead Only society, HiSS is of course the most Overpowered and Sexy cult in DAoC. Members run Mark Davis' modified 'Gore-N-Boobies DAoC Client', and can often be seen outside Frontier Entry Forts pointing at Bots and giggling. Their special Client gives them extra melee styles (unseen to non-members) including 'Decapitation', 'Neuter', and 'Merkin Scalp'. HiSS members always get in the Alpha and Beta Tests for expansions, and also get in the previous (secret) 'Party On Till We Puke Test'. HiSS members use special chat recognition codes including: "I think <name> is Copper", "Is Olivia on?", "Hic!", and "I put on my Wizards Hat".

- - -

'Britney's Coallition of Unified Players' (BCup)
A secret revenge society, BCup consists of thousands of characters, all with variations of the name 'Britney Spears', and all initially created by... the REAL Britney Spears! Unable to leave the house in 2002 (all of her bra pads were in the wash), Ms. Spears turned to playing a free trial DAoC account, and was infuriated when a CSR changed HER name!... So, in a long term scheme of revenge, Ms. Spears has diverted all of her fortune to daily creating dozens of new characters with variations of 'Britney Spears'. (She then loans these accounts out to other gaming celebrities like Robin Williams, Kim Bassinger, Geena Davis, and Shanon Doherty.) Ms. Spears' ultimate plan is to (following the release of WoW-3D) simultaneously cancel her 200,000 accounts, thereby forcing Mythic into bankruptcy.

- - -

'Worshiping The (DF) Fracture' (WTF)
An Albion secret society, keepers of the two Ultimate DAoC Secrets... The 'Fracture'... and the 'JumpSpot'. Using these two society 'Secrets' members are able to 'Safe Fall' from the Albion side to Hibernian side of DF, bypassing all monsters, and then later reappear magically back at the top of the Albion DF steps (without owning DF). An offshoot of the AAAEC ('All Albions Are Exploiting Cheaters').

- - -

'All Albions Are Exploiting Cheaters' (AAAEC)
The most visible and almost un-secret society in DAoC. 'Nuff said.

- - -

'Sex Addicts Loitering Around DAoC' (SALAD)
You've seen them. Unguilded players, who sit or stand outside the Frontier Forts, perpetually AFK. We just assumed they were someone's Bot. But actually they are the members of SALAD. Tossed out of the IGN Cyberchat Rooms, they then moved to DAoC, (where the CSRs are too deluged with thousands of broken quest appeals to monitor the chat groups). SALAD members can be easily spotted as they will either occasionally take a single step forward and backwards, or will continuously spin in circles (which is refered to as 'Tossing').

- - -

'Dwarf Women in Beards' (DWiB)
A counter to all the men who play female DAoC characters, DWiB is a society of women who play male dwarves. They evily pretend to be men, using devious 'Burp' macros, and frequent references to 'hotties', 'beer', and 'football'. They thereby enjoy the 'Superior Male Life Experience', without having to drop the extra chromosome. A vile and horrific society, which needs to be stomped out immediately by Mythic, so I can safely cyber those new Valkyrie Chicks. *burp*

- - -

'Mythic Loves Us, Yes They Do' (MLUYTD)
A sad, sad cult. Brainwashed by Georgia Wall's 'Subliminal Herald Flash Messages', they endlessly debate the finer points of DAOC, and hourly recommend changes, delusionally believing a gaming 'company' isn't interested in making a profit. Membership often flip-flops with their sister society "Mythic Hates Us, Yes They Do' (MHUYTD), following a failure by Mythic to add their recommended WarElephants, LuriGliders, or PersonalHorse. MLUYTD and MHUYTD members can be spotted by knowing and using the complete names of obscure minor Mythic Developers (like Walter Yarbrough (Copper or Cooper) and Jen Ortiz (MythicBard, She LUVS Puppies)), or knowing Sanya Weathers' ORIGINAL hair color (BLOND!!!). A sad cult, and I pity all of them.

- - -

'Gold Circles Suck Me In' (GCSMI)
One of the newest secret societies. Members run frantically from NPC to NPC that have gold circles around their feet, occasionaly yelling "woot!", "omg!", and "billions and billions of exp!". It's believed that this society is a form of 'astral religious worship', as the effect of a gold circle on a cult member is similar to the effect of a black hole on a passing comet. (Also note the Sagan'istic reference to 'billions and billions'.) A harmless cult, although for some reason they appear to be leveling faster than us.

- - -

'I Might Come Back 4 Clustering' (IMCB4C)
The newest DAoC Cult, consisting of people who refer to themselves as members of the 'Alliance' or 'Horde'. Mostly former members of 'I Might Come Back 4 Atlantis' (IMCB4A), (who were pissed that ToA would not affect RvR, and then were pissed that ToA affected RvR). Also they are normally members of 'I Might Go Back 2 UO 4 Ninjas' (IMGB2UO4N), 'I Might Go Back 2 Lineage 4 Castle Siege' (IMGB2L4CS), and 'I Might Go Back 2 CoH 4 Capes' (IMGB2CoH4C). You often discover these people are in front of you at Burger King, and then have to explain to your boss why you got back late from lunch.

- - -